


Hold Me Tighter

by itfeelssogoodmrstark (Kheeta)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Depersonalization Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Making Love, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Precious Peter Parker, Tony Stark Needs Sleep, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, derealisation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-07-08 12:29:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15930455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kheeta/pseuds/itfeelssogoodmrstark
Summary: The one, where Peter keeps dying in Tony's dreams, but is always there, when Tony wakes up.





	Hold Me Tighter

**Hold Me Tighter**

The snap took the biggest toll on Tony of all people. It took him almost 4 years to fix the time line and bring his Peter back from the soul stone. Four years he lived in terror and loneliness. And then Stephen helped him turn back time and they made sure Thanos will be defeated long before he gets his fingers anywhere near the infinity stones. Tony remembered all the years he lived before the time was turned. Tony remembered how it felt to have nothing and no one. No one else did.

When he had Peter back in his arms it felt almost surreal. Everything seemed like a dream. He could not express himself, choking on his own words, holding Peter against his chest. Stroking his hair and then he cried. Something he never wanted Peter to see. He felt weak and exhausted. The battle was over, but the real war had only started.

He woke up, gasping for air, the nightmare still playing tricks on him. Cold sweat dripping from his forehead. he was trying to grasp on everything that was left of Peter – ashes. It looked like he spontaneously combusted and then he just burnt down. Tony looked around, everything looked like on Titan. Sand,destroyed ships and in the middle of it all, was his bed he was now sitting on.

„Peter?“ Tony called for him. Feet on cold-sand ground.

„Pete, where are you?“ he rolled out of bed, tears streaming down his face. Heart hammering on his ribcage. He was hardly getting enough air into his lungs making his hallucination even worse. Tony touched his reactor and in a few seconds he was in a full Ironman suit. Sand disappeared. Where is Thanos? What is happening?

And then suddenly a video was playing right in front of his eyes.

„Hey!“ it was Peter. Smiling and waving to the camera.

„Peter?“ Peter was not reacting to his name.

„I recorded this video in case you woke up when I wasn't there with you, I told Friday to play it if it's needed. I am sleeping at Ned's today like we talked about yesterday. Remember?“

Tony did, it hit him out of nowhere.

„You should not worry. It's over already. We won, love. You can always call me, if you need to. Ill be back for lunch! Love you!“

The panic he felt was vanishing. His breathing evened out. They won, of course they won, it has been 3 years already. Memories were back in place. Peter's face, now older, his eyes, his smile. Tony remembered everything, how they defeated Thanos, how he kissed Peter for the first time not long after that, how they were dancing around each other for several months after the kiss happened, how Peter sounds when he feels pleasure, how he calls him Mr. Stark to tease Tony in bed, how his eyes sparkle everytime he comes. How he talks to him, when Tony is having another panic attack, using soothing voice and words of reassurance.

Tony sat back on the bed, now in his pajamas again. He wrote Peter a message, simple I love you.

He was a little surprised, when he got an answer back almost immediately.

_Pete: Love u2, everythings alright?_

_Tony: Yeah, we should go to the thai place you like tomorrow._

_Pete: Sounds good, we are heading to bed now. Goodnight! Miss u!_

_Tony: Miss you too._

He took a long shower. He was trying to forget how it felt when Peter died in his arms, still feeling the particles touch his skin. He suppressed the need to vomit.

This was a normal night for him. He tried not to drink any alcohol as that made it worse and didn't help his derealization. One time, when he was lying in bed with Peter, thrusting into his smaller body, he suddenly realized, that Peter was here with him. He was alive and well and moaning and real. It was so much input for Tony to handle a panic attack struck him out of nowhere. It scared the living shit out of Peter.

Tony then spend the rest of the night apologizing. Still not quite sure if the world around him was real or if he had just dreamed it because he wanted Peter back so much. He would not be surprised if this was just a simulation he had created to sooth his aching heart.

Some days he felt better, their relationship grew stronger and Tony tried to make Peter the happiest fiancée in the world. Some days he could not even get out of bed. Peter was just petting his head and playing with his hair, kissing him softly and making sure he drinks and eats something.

Tony felt like he didn't deserve him.

The worst days were when he hugged Peter and his mind just decided to pull out the worst possible memory it could. Peter slowly disappearing in his arms. Crying and pleading for Tony to do something, to not let him die. Those days not even Peter could help him.

This was happening for a few years now. Tony's panic attacks were getting less frequent. Especially after Tony had retired, leaving life of a super hero behind him. Peter called him the second guy in a chair. He and Peter had countless fights about Tony getting worse because he was putting the humanity before himself and their relationship every single time. He eventually gave up and retired much to Peter's satisfaction. He received the best blowjob that day. He still gets hard every time he thinks about it. Peter can be a beast.

Tony woke up again, sweaty. Crying out Peter's name, as he watched him disintegrate. It felt so real. He heard I am sorry. He watched him turned to dust. He tried to grab the ashes. He prayed he will die as well. And then there were hands on his chest and Peter was whispering into his ear, hugging him.

„I am here, I am here Tony. Everything's okay.“

„Pete?“

„Yeah, I am here. Calm down okay? You're alright. _We_ are alright.“

Tony grabbed Peter's hands so hard they'd probably bruise the next day. He was pulling them closer to the scar after arc reactor, closer to his heart.

„Breathe with me, yeah?“ Peter said and Tony didn't know what would he do without him.

He tried to synchronize his breathing with Peter's. He felt warm lips on the back of his neck.

„Just like that, you are doing great. In and out.“

It took several minutes for the panic attack to subside. And it took few more for Tony to start moving. His feet were cold and his t-shirt was drained and wet, he got up from bed and headed to the shower, exhausted. Peter joined him in a minute, stretching and yawning and yet he had the sweetest smile on his face. Always so soft and gentle. He put sweaty sheets from bed in the washer. Tony felt grateful.

„You okay?“ Peter asked, cupping Tony's chin, after he had stepped into the shower.

Tony nodded, he enveloped Peter's small body with his hands and rested his forehead on Peter's. He needed to anchor himself. He needed to make sure Peter is here with him. He needed to make sure he will not turn to dust.

Is this real? He wanted to ask but didn't.

„Do you want to talk about it?“

Tony shook his head.

„No, it's gone now.“ He sat down on tiles, letting the water stream massage his back. Peter joined him, he wrapped his legs around Tony's body and started playing with Tony's hair. Acting, like water was a hair gel. Tony smiled.

_When did I get so lucky?_

Peter was the only part of him, that wasn't fucked up.

„Okay, if you want to tho, let me know, alright? I love you.“ Peter said calmly.

„Love you too, baby boy.“

Tony pressed a kiss on Peter's forehead, touching and caressing his chin, kissing his cheeks and lips. It felt like the first time again. He grabbed Peter's shoulder. He put his hand on Peter's chest, feeling the beating heart beneath his fingers. They stood up. Peter's erection pressing against his thigh. Always so eager.

„Make love to me, Mr. Stark,“ Peter teased, his eyes were glassy from sleep and Tony wanted to cherish him all night. „Please.“

Tony didn't answer.

He covered himself and Peter with a towel after he'd turned the shower off and then he guided them to bed, kissing Peter senseless. Touching his neck, belly and hips. Never having enough.

He loves to see Peter catching breath, hissing and whimpering, trying to resist the urge to come on the spot. He loves Peter's smaller body, his happy trail and the way he's covering his eyes everytime something feels too good, like Tony swirling his tongue on the tip of Peter's cock. He loves to watch Peter's mouth hanging open, not making any sound, as he rode out his orgasm. Peter's Spidarman senses made everything way too sensitive and Tony often took advantage of that. And then, Tony made love to him, just like Peter asked. He wants to feel Peter inside out. He _needs_ to kiss his lips, his neck his chest until the sun rises. And when he's tired, he'll just cradle the younger body and he'll never let go, they have all time in the world after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I am writing this long fanfiction, but I wanted to post something shorter first, so here it is. I hope you liked it :) If you want to fix the typos and wrongly used words, as I am not from any English speaking country, please do and let me know! :)  
> My tumblr: https://itfeelssogoodmrstark.tumblr.com
> 
> TONY IS PRECIOUS AND DESERVES THE BEST BOYFRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD.  
> thanks for coming to my TED talk.
> 
> The most beautiful FANART by: [Logafapasta](https://logafapasta.tumblr.com/post/177919520231/yeah-i-am-here-calm-down-okay-youre-alright)


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